We No Speak Americano

This blog has nothing to do with this famous track by Yolanda be Cool. Read on if you are still interested. Indians are being hypnotized by the West. Everyone wants to speak English (perfect or not doesn’t matter) and everyone wants to go abroad. Some want to go abroad because of the money and some want to go abroad because they dream about the idea of being called a NON RESIDENTIAL INDIAN. “It sounds so cool na?” says my Aunt.

 So the PAKKA DESI (unadultered) babu packs his PETIS (bags)and gets on the flight with the great Indian Dream. The women folks of the family are weeping; the garlands adorn his neck, the tilaks (mark) are poked onto his forehead. Ones the flight goes, the drama stops. Now the mother has something to flaunt and boast around. “Mera beta London gaya hai” is her new topic leaving the “Meri nayi benarasi saree dekho” topic behind.

 Four years have passed and its time the BETA gets back home and shows his firangi face to his Indian family. The flight lands and there is another session of drama including the weeping, the tilaks, the garlands. The OPENING OF SUITCASE ceremony starts as soon as he reaches home. Versace perfumes, Hersheys kisses, Snickers, Gucci bag and other brands are introduced into the minds of the young in the family. Now you start talking to the firangi Indian. He looks at you with the London bridge shining in his eyes. He left India as a Pakka Hindi speaking Indian and comes back speaking English with an accent.

Four years cannot change so much. How can he say that he forgot Hindi in four years? How can he say that his accent comes naturally to him? He speaks his mother tongue like a foreigner in just Four Godforsaken years.

 Now the  top five changes you see in him –

1)      He cannot take the spicy Indian food anymore- He fans his tongue with his hands and he goes red. He says the ALOO PARATHA is too spicy for him. Mind it! He used to crave it once.

2)      Bragging- He brags how good London is and how clean the place really is. Everywhere he looks, he has something to compare to the Videshi (foreign) life. “In London they drive only big cars. Big means BADA. There are no Maruti 800 there. You understand?” All you can do is nod and call him a fool inside your head.

3)      He cannot take the climate- He needs Goggles, sunscreen, and other complimentary products to even cross the road and visit the next home. He wants Air Conditioner as his bodyguard wherever he goes. “Ye kya Garam Pani? Fridge ka pani do”. “How do you guys survive here?” he asks. Well I smile at him and think “Just like you used to four years back

4)      Brand conscious- “What!!! You have not heard of TOMMY HILFIGER watches!!!! Tum toh TITAN se khush raho”. He asks me if i like LOUIS VUITTON bag and he pronounces it as LUIS VITTTON. Poser!!!!

5)      He wants to click photos everywhere-  From the drawing room to the bathroom, from the mother to the beggar sitting outside the home, from the Dhoodhwala to the Padosan ki Beti. He clicks everything!!!!

The list could continue but something has to end! The PAKKA HINDI BETA has been kicked out by the new FIRANGI INDIAN BETA!

PS- Was off from the blog for a while as I was on a trip. Apologies to those who missed me here 🙂

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22 thoughts on “We No Speak Americano

  1. Hahaha! I’d been laughing through out the post. “Mera beta London gaya hai” which in my experience, the aunty would randomly drop here and there between convos without a need for that. 😂😂
    Such an interesting and hilarious take on reality!
    P.s I have only followed your blog recently and I’m glad I did, it’s awesome😄

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol was gracing my presence at my sister’s wedding in Chandigarh and then a short trip to 3 of the adjacent states far from the madding crowd. It was one hell of a gruelling and exhaustive trip. Haha sure, one at a time ^^

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome Neal!
        I reviewed your site and found it interesting. It would be a pleasure for me if you pay a visit and leave your valuable feedback on my site too as I have recently joined the community of blogging.
        Best!

        Like

  2. Some parts were funny 😄, and some parts are definitely something to contemplate over. I’ve one of my dear friends who is in Australia now. When we talk, he does say almost all the things, most of all about clean, dirt-free roads, that you mentioned. But the thing that we Indians need to keep in mind that it’s not Australian or any other government keeping those roads clean. Rather the citizens of that place. If we, Indians, too give up the habit of spitting here and there on roads, and inculcate the habit of throwing waste into waste-bins only, we can also enjoy those clean roads.
    I know it was quite an elaborate explanation, but this is the truth.🙈 The cleaner the citizens, the cleaner the nation.
    Though you kept the fun-part alive till the end of your post.😄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are spot on with your perspective. To me, we need to get rid of this “chalta hai” attitude from the DNA of our people. The only way we can tame our people to follow the rules is by strictly implementing it. Unless and Until, we make them frustrated and leave them with no choice, I don’t think we will achieve anything cause Indians are always masters in finding loopholes and they don’t think twice in tweaking it to suit them. I’m still apprehensive though and will wait for the day when both the govt and the citizens will work hand in hand for the upliftment of our country.

      Liked by 1 person

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