The Art of Pooping

Disclaimer – The facts expressed here belong to everybody, the opinions to me. The distinction is yours to draw…

India will always be a developing country. The civility of our countrymen will force it to remain that way. We just cannot let go of our animal like tendencies and make way to something less grotesque. 

So I understand that we derived the idea of shitting and peeing anywhere and everywhere from our ancestors the Chimpanzees or conceptually the early Man. But while the rest of the world evolved into people with stance and etiquette, we stuck like glue to our age old barbaric living. We continued blessing the land with our faeces and piddle undisturbed, in every land or nook left unattended and unused. Our citizens, be it man or woman, do not believe in false modesty by shying away from the concept of pooping together while the rest of the world passes them unperturbed.

I have spent a large part of my life seeing the buttocks of a considerate number of slum dwellers as the bus dropped me to school every morning and if in case I got too busy to notice the defecating ceremony, I could still catch a glimpse or two through the windows of my classroom. All this became possible due to the large ground facing the slums and located right in front of my school, which the thoughtful government kept free for conducting small sports activities. Every morning, the slum dwellers, irrespective of their gender, age or butt cheek size, march towards the ground with a mug of water, unload the previous days load and frolic back with a smile of satisfaction on their face. On the same ground every year in the month of October, thousands of people including me stand to joyfully celebrate the bursting away of Ravana. To prep up of the land for the Dussehra celebrations, the munificent municipal corporation comes with truckload of sand to carpet the land fully pasted with human poop. The land becomes a fresh open toilet for the slum dwellers from the next day onwards. 

Soon the less barbaric lot of the city, wrote and pestered the local government to build public toilets on that land for the satisfaction of both the excreting slum dweller and the forced to watch plebeians. Hence, a line of toilets were built upon the area which was poop coated every day. But they say it right, ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’. While some the residents started using the newly built toilets, majority continued to practice their age old tradition by sitting right outside the toilet and defecating, sometimes accompanied by domestic animals. The dog and the master pooped together and that my friend is the equality we were unceasingly searching for. 

The human mind is hard to decipher and the act of those who had a toilet to use but were persistent on passing stool on an open land, is still being researched upon. Even a notice was pasted on the walls of the toilet that not even a penny is charged for using the toilet, made brick by brick only for the slum dwellers.

The reason for ignoring the amenities could be many. May be it is the joy of a taking a dump in the company of your family and friends. Maybe it’s their preferred way to discuss the current affairs of the world. Maybe it’s their chance of meeting new people. Maybe it’s the view. Like I said, the human mind is hard to decipher.

P.S. – Comments other than the one relating to the above post and in particular towards my country will not be tolerable. Mind you! You are dealing with a patriot 😉