Disclaimer – A letter to my former self. A probable epilogue to my “DEAR ME” post.
There is nothing I can say to prepare you for where life will take you in the next ten years.
You will have experiences you never imagined possible or plausible—there will be great heartaches and devastating blows—and you will be taken to places you never knew existed. You will feel like you can’t go on, and you will feel like you will explode.
Your greatest fears will come to reality and you will never be the same, but you will fumble your way through.
I want to tell you specifics, I want to tell you where you should try harder and hold on more and not give up; I want to tell you where you should give in and let go and how to take care of yourself when the unthinkable happens.
I want to tell you these things, to share with you my wisdom born from experience.
I can’t do that though, it wouldn’t be fair. You need to experience these things just as you will, it’s not for me to help you navigate, I wouldn’t want to deprive you of any of the hard lessons or the excruciating beauty or the bliss you will find in the hands and hearts of others.
The person you are and who you will become is strong enough and wise enough and soft enough to make it through.
I won’t lie, there will be times when you will feel like you can’t go on. That you are alone in the world and destined to always be. If I could share one thing with you it would be this: You are not alone.
I know you’ve always struggled with the idea that people actually want you in their life, feeling as if you aren’t cool enough or talented enough or thin enough or smart enough or just plain enough, but the truth is You are enough.
You are enough. And you have so much to share with the world, and you will be surrounded by love.
Love is what will get you though when you don’t think you can keep going and love will highlight the magic you find in the seemingly inconsequential moments. It may not always seem like it now, but it all matters! This is your life and every moment of it is important, even the ones you feel like you’ve wasted by binge watching sitcoms in bed for days on end, hiding away from reality.
Sometimes you will need to escape reality and that’s okay, its part of your process.
Nobody can do this life but you!
And only you will know what you need and what is right for you. When you make mistakes, and you will, try to be gentle with yourself. Know there will be times when you need to be selfish and that’s okay.
Some people in your life may not understand the choices you make, and that’s okay too. You will always have support, in fact you will find it in ways and places and people you couldn’t possibly imagine right now. In that selfishness though, try to let the light in from time to time.
Open the windows to your soul and let the fresh air sooth you when it feels like too much. Know that you don’t always have to be strong, it’s okay to be weak.
Sometimes you will be a hot mess, you will feel broken in a way that seems impossible to remedy. Just know that you will survive, and that part of it is allowing yourself to be broken. You are strong, stronger than you know and stronger than you will ever give yourself credit for, but it’s true.
When people tell you this, try to take it in, try to believe it, try to own it and try not to roll your eyes in resentment towards them because they don’t know your experience.
They may not know your experience, but they know you—and they love you—and it comes from the best of intentions. It comes from the heart, and love, and it’s one of the most incredible gifts you will ever receive in your life. It’s okay to balk but know that the love surrounding you is unconditional, and you deserve it and are blessed.
You are so blessed.
You are a beautiful, powerful, intelligent, passionate, giving, loving person. I know that’s hard to hear and even harder to believe but it is the truth.
Try to remember that, it’s okay if you don’t though, I will continue to remind you.
I love you, and believe in you, and support you no matter what.
Thank you for embarking on the journey you are about to take, it will be a wild ride. I promise you though, it will be worth it. You are worth it!
All my love to you darling.