True Sands

As an increasingly uncomfortable summer rolls along, the tally for the year is an interesting mix. Many have died, and with an entire generation getting into the twilight of their lives, we will only wind up saying more goodbyes to people we know. It should not, ideally, be the case that we appreciate people more in their death than when they were alive; but that is what happens, more often than not. Ideally, we all will know all the answers and do all the right things and be good to everyone around us, all at the same time. But, life is hardly ideal. Neither is it consistent, nor is it always fair or predictable.

On the surface, the truth may look like a deal I made with the devil. But the detail, after a while of living, shows up no devil in it. Nor did I find any god shaped being, in the living, non-living or the dead. What I did find was an infinitely malleable gift of belief that can take any shape I knowingly or unknowingly bestowed it. If I wanted to see good, there was a lot of good. If I wanted to see bad, there was a lot of bad. If I wanted to see nothing, there was a lot of that too. Every belief was as true or as false as every other belief. How can I vouch for the falseness of your belief when I can’t vouch for the trueness of mine?

Everyone gets the choice to stop running at some stage in life. Some stop willingly, others are forced. The violence of this abrupt stoppage is directly proportional to the degree with which you resist change. Most of us give up at this stage, pick a delusion to hide behind; some of us even die literal and metaphorical deaths. At this torrid juncture, only a handful of crazies choose to question their own faces, names and come to understanding that the feeling of the sand that slips between the fingers is as much an expectation as it is an experience. What is this sand?

What if, this is not sand?


20 thoughts on “True Sands

  1. I have been having the exact thoughts, just not as elegantly as you put it down. I was watching the inductions into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and became so upset and depressed!! These rockers were the soundtrack of my young life and now? They are old men!! I want so badly to go back in time when they (and me, of course!) were young and beautiful and lived life at a crazy pace because we were indestructible. What is this sand?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. How’s that there are no instances or cycle of events in one’s life? I still preserve those relics of past experience, like pillars of witness set up in travelling through the valve of life, to mark particular occurrences. The footsteps are obliterated now; but the pillar is still there, to remind me how all things were when it was reared.


  2. This really hit home. It’s exactly how I feel this past year, so many lost. Beautifully put, but this will stick with me ‘How can I vouch for the falseness of your belief, when I can’t vouch for the trueness of mine’.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful and profound. It put me obliquely in mind of a song by New FADS:

    “The desert grows three miles a year
    It just grows, it just grows
    I keep my pain in a jar
    It will be full tomorrow”

    Apparently it was inspired by a documentary about people living on the edge of the desert. One woman had a jar half full of sand. She said the desert is growing three miles a year and she expected her sand to do the same so eventually it would fill the jar. The band loved the image and substituted “pain” for “sand” to make something very haunting and evocative.


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