Self Worth

It isn’t easy being vulnerable with anyone. To be utterly, unapologetically authentic and forthcoming, sharing your deepest darkest secrets is something that doesn’t always come easily. We’ve been taught to cover up the ugly parts, mask the pain, and respond with routine answers of “Things are good,” and “I’m fine,” whenever someone asks how we are. We keep silent about too many things, at the risk of misinterpretation or judgment for the irrational fears and self doubt we all share.

It takes a lot of trust to tell someone what’s really going on behind the scenes, to share all you’ve shared.

In the time we’ve known each other, you’ve introduced me to some of your demons and let me read some of the previous chapters of your life. I’ve watched you bludgeon your self-esteem with unkind words. I’ve stood back and watched you take a mental marker to your flesh, grading parts of your body like an overzealous professor. I’ve watched you treat your successes like failures simply because you were disappointed in being millimeters shy of your mark.

I’ve bitten down on my tongue each and every time you berate yourself, hoping a couple of compliments and words of encouragement would be enough. I cannot tell you how much it hurts to witness you struggle and suffer from the abuse you take from your own hands. It breaks my heart to know you are losing sleep to feed your insecurities in the middle of the night.

While a good friend loves and accepts us for who we are, a best friend knows when to call it quits on being soft and when to intervene.

The relationship you’ve developed with yourself is unhealthy and a threat to your livelihood. I may be overstepping my boundaries with this aggressive overtake, but I will no longer stay silent about the abuse. I will not stand back and watch you engage in any more harmful behavior.

If I could jump inside your head and slap your inner critic, I would in half a heartbeat.

I will not condone the act of you measuring yourself against a standard of perfection God himself would not be able to achieve. I will not pass judgment, but I will challenge your every distorted thought with a heavy dose of reality of how awesome you truly are. I will interrupt your regularly scheduled self-loathing to inform you how ninety percent is not a perfect score, but still a distinguished achievement. I will constantly remind you of the many ways you are a majestic beast, a glorious human being who deserves to be celebrated in all the ways possible.

I suggest you to see yourself through a different lens, in hope you see something you overlooked. I will encourage you to see yourself through my eyes, hoping you’ll learn to love and accept yourself as I do. Standing before you would be this remarkable person who worked their way up and maintains enough humility to stay grounded.

You’d love the way your eyes soften when you smile and the sound of your giggle. You’d witness how endearing falling asleep during a film is, and how undeniably cute it is you continually deny it, despite knowing it happened.

Impressed by your creativity and talent, you’d know your current position in your career is merely a stepping-stone for something larger. You’d be in awe of your own physique, accepting all of the smooth and bumpy parts as one brilliant design of human architecture.

We are all chasing after some ideal: the perfect body, partner, career, home, social life, family, or ideal situation. I am guilty of wanting the very same things and giving into that ugly voice inside that points out every single flaw. We are products of our environment: a society that has long infected us with the belief anything short of perfection means we are losers and failures. Innocuous messages come to us regularly, encouraging the constant need for achievement without a second wasted celebrating our little wins.

Constructive criticism is not very constructive at all; instead of feeling empowered to make changes, we are inspired to belittle our achievements and highlight the flaws to be fixed. Far too often, we receive messages encouraging self-destructive thoughts and limiting mindsets to reject the rest of who we are in order to be accepted. We have been set up for failure in our quest for success without being consciously aware of it.

Don’t buy the false truths your inner demons try to sell you, because the price you pay will leave you feeling bankrupt.

You are not the things your own mind has bullied you into believing, and I will be damned if I allow you to take another sledgehammer to your ego.

Until you learn to be your own best friend, know I am here and ready to incessantly pester you with constant reminders of why you are one of the most beautiful humans I have ever met and one of my favorite people.

Thank you for listening with an open heart and an open mind. I care for you enough to stand in the way of anyone who is in your way… even if that someone is you. You are worth every bit of the attention I have put into our relationship and deserving of the love you feel deprived of—your own. One day, you’ll begin to believe it, too.

Please let today be that day.

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50 thoughts on “Self Worth

  1. Ah! Are you even human for writing a piece that has the power of boosting the most rotten of the moods? I am guilty of all that you’ve written and a good amount of my day goes in extreme self criticism. I really need to take heed of all that you’ve so beautifully said through this. Everyone should read this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know how that feel like. The critical voices in our own heads are far more vicious than what we might hear from the outside. They have intimate knowledge of us and can zero in on our weakest spots. But then, all they are doing is trying to protect you. So, turn then into allies, give them new jobs, learn to dialogue with them or if nothing goes right – exterminate them 🙂

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      1. Hey Neal, it has been a while. Yeah agree. They have the knowledge of even the deepest, darkest parts of your life, shortcomings, loses, everything. And that’s why they will always hold an upper at destroying your confidence if they turn cynic and critical against everything you do.
        But yes I try to do what you suggested. Thank you for writing an amazing post and ever more relatable comment!
        Hope you’re doing great!

        Like

    1. Thanks Smita ji. Not sure how do I repay the appreciation you have always of me. I really hope you get everything you wish for. Maybe wrong, but I do have this feeling that you are disturbed with something.

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  2. Veey very well written, I cannot express in enough words how this is important for everyone of us and how all of us need to understand this. Thank you for sharing this important topic with the world. I hope it helps some people.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The tears dropped from my eyes as i am reading this post looking at the deep unknown sky by my window,reading this almost felt like you have written this for me,as every word follow another,your wisdom and a brilliant understanding of human emotions.you are so special,and your writing reflects the innermost parts of your soul.
    Thank you neel for writing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I didn’t write this piece with an intention to make people cry so you better pull up yourself. And remember champ, You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. 🙂

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      1. You have a way with words.But it is not bad to shed tears,not everytime gloominess is the reason behind tears,it also falls down from our eyes our when someday have the magic of healing our deepest scars through the wand of writing.

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      2. And somehow, you have managed to render me speechless with your words Neha. It’s your words that have taken over my evening. Oh..you are wonderful. ^^

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      3. I go through that shit every day and I know how that feel like. But then I’m like… “Why am I trying so hard to fit in when I was born to stand out”? And yeah I’m all ears. So, if you ever wanna reach out, I’m just a message away.

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      4. I am not gonna repeat ‘oh!How sweet of you’ or ‘Thanks for understanding’.The thing is i never fit in the standard women aura,it is very hard to love yourself,cause it is not only men who points at our flaws,it is also women who judges us.Then i realized time erodes all beauty,neal,but it cannot diminsh your hearty humor,how you touch the hearts of everyone whom you met.You are one of those people,Who have that dynamic power of words,i wish to read your book one day.Should i hope to get a copy of your book?

        Liked by 2 people

  4. An eye opener for sure without any doubt. Sometimes we dont realise what we have which others don’t have but try to be that person what society wants and regret and criticise for what we dont have. Your writeup made me think deeper 😊🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This hit home ! Hehe ..this is the first time I am actually discovering the world of WordPress and you have had me by surprise. I am totally hooked! ❤ Bless you for your wonderful write – ups 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That came from somewhere between the heart and the practicality of reality.
    It felt good, really good, Neal.
    Your words are a wake up call to those perfection-deprived souls who can never ever quench their thirst for all good things in life are imperfectly perfect, and so is my blog.
    Thank You!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good to see you back Pranitha ^^ It’s time that one should no longer seek validation or inspiration from anybody but themselves. Life teaches conviction, teaches taste. It also teaches that loving oneself and standing up to one’s own beliefs is a battle half won in this world of hopeful influencers and desperate followers.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is so incredibly beautiful. I’ve just put up a few blog post on mental illness and how I hid it for so many years because I was scared to let people see that part of me. This is exactly what I needed to hear in regards to be vulnerable on my blog and in my day to day life.

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