Walls

Walls. We build a lot of them around us. We live in between walls, when in fact we pay to get them around us. Why, why do we need walls inside walls?

There is always a strong desire to become free and he too wanted to be free. ’N’ was a 13 year old boy, who will strike you as a ‘normal’ kid, but if you ever happen to strike up a conversation with him, you will be left in awe and tears. His life had been a mixed one -happiness was not always present, he was always alone and he was always picked upon by his class mates and he didn’t have any friends.

He didn’t trust anyone. No one could be trusted, they all were the same. He felt like an alien, like a disguised cat among dogs, always fearing that his cover would be blown and he would be torn. Every now and then, he came across people who were a little like him. He used to feel very happy, his face would lighten up and he would serenade his audience with true tales and his two faced life. He would then learn about the other alien too. Those moments of joy were unimaginable. But then they didn’t last forever, at least the happiness didn’t. The other person would either move on or would just become the ‘others’.

Even though you would have found him alone most of the time, he did liked to talk. In fact, if he got going, there was no stopping him. Yet the way he was treated and the injustice he had to face, bogged him down. The added bricks which were not of his own making, caused his back to bend. At first he would cry himself to sleep every night, hoping that someone, somewhere would hear him. He used to talk to himself, he used to talk in his sleep too, he created his own ‘ideal’ people, whom he moved and hurt and loved the way he wanted to. He slowly got engrossed into this fantasy in which he was ruler of destiny, the lord of the universe.

It is not that he didn’t believe in God, but he did lose faith in God. He asked god to show him a miracle and since he didn’t see any, he concluded that there was no god. So having no purpose and having no one but himself, he learnt to enjoy his loneliness. Very few people dared to enter his world, even if they ventured, he didn’t like the human presence and killed them and with a dirge buried them.

And so like this, he turned 14. People ignored him. When he talked no one ever heard him. He hated his school life. He didn’t know what he wanted. He used to sit alone and stare at everything around him. It didn’t matter where he was, no one would disturb him and even if he sat in the middle of a ‘group’ no one would notice him. It was almost like he didn’t exist. And he never got the idea of a group. He had never been in one to know the sense of belonging, for him the people were the walls, they closed on him whenever they pleased, they moved an ocean apart whenever they felt like. But whenever they did move apart, more walls came up. It was as if, he was being taunted. Like a scared child, he hugged on to his world and like the last of a species he tried to save himself, even though he knew the end was inevitable.

And the end came. The pressure grew, until one day he decided he didn’t want this world. He didn’t have anything, to him the world was evil. What was ‘virtue’, was this it? Was this humanity? He hated it all. He locked himself in a room. He thought of his decision to kill himself. He thought about everyone in his life and he thanked them for everything. He forgave everyone and as he decided to put an end to all this, the miracle he had been looking for came. A light, the long tunnel had a light at its end. It was unlike any light he had ever seen all his life. It told him not to do it. He didn’t understand. He paused. He questioned in the light. The light told him he was the progeny, that he came from a great family and that he had a purpose. Everything till then was a challenge, a test. It was he who had chosen this way to enlighten himself. He still didn’t understand, but he was curious, and he decided he would give it a try, after all, he didn’t have anything to lose – except his life. And well if something would throw light on to his life, why not bask in it?

And the light taught him, it led him. Enlightenment was indeed this. All are god. All are me. I am all. He realized that there are so many things. He was not the only alien, there were lots of them, but being aliens they were rare. He learnt so many things, which he had never known. When you go to a new place, you watch the people and observe what they do, he did that. He understood the basic nature of humans. He understood his own emotions and even though he was sitting under the light, there was a shadow. His was his loneliness. Your shadow is your greatest tutor and so loneliness taught him things, yet your shadow lets you down, your enemy knows that you are there. He knew he couldn’t control the shadow, but at least, he can concentrate on the light, it will give him a solution.

A betrayal.

Then suddenly darkness came. The shadow took over again. The reign of darkness spread and all that was good seemed red. He felt the old pain grow inside him, he left his life going back to square one. His experience taught him that this was a test, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to take it. But then at 15 he was wise, wiser than the other kids. He aimlessly roamed the darkness. He had a match to strike and light up the light, but he didn’t couldn’t find any place to light the match. The darkness grew, like only darkness can.

The darkest hour is before dawn, and words became his dawn. One fine day he picked up his pen and from then on, life became life. He understood the light was him. He appreciated it. He loved it and yet there are moments in his life, when the darkness sets in again. It eats him, like how it spreads when the sun sets. But since he was the light ,he quickened the darkness, so that he quickened the dawn.

In between all this, he had learnt to break the walls. He broke and created them at his will. He was not scared of the world, but then having known loneliness as it is, he knew that those moments are something which will make you rich. His pen was his sword and he was not afraid, you sometimes flee from a battle so that you don’t taint your sword. The walls he knew, were like all on earth-a boon and a bane- both were of the same, but it is what name you lend to them- god or devil.

What will his life be? What will he be in the future?

Nobody is about fate, but us. But have a shadow within us which we might watch so that we don’t become our own walls. We are the only once who can summon and be summoned. We have the right to choose and we are the choice. Everyone and everything has a voice and its purpose is not just to make some noise, but to tell you about what you are and your choice. No one is to be blamed. Everything is right, as everything is the same. What is a crime? What is a sin? Every wall has a weak spot within and once we strike it, there is nothing of it except it remains in our memory.

When you build your walls, remember where is the spot, so that you can guard it when you have to and also break it when you need to. No wall is too great. A wall is a tool like everything else. You are the creator, preserver and destroyer of the tool. Use your tool the way it is supposed to be. There is a light within and none can destroy it. Darkness is a phase, when light decides to show you its other face. Your eyes might pain if you keep looking into the light, so cool your eyes with darkness as it is as sweet as fire is when compared to water.

Be yourself. Don’t be afraid to break. For if you don’t lie, truth has no meaning.